I'm so effing upset over some things now.

Firstly, I can't find any replacement now matter how hard I tried. I tried asking the others, but some can't make it and some are having their Nepal training tomorrow. I hope I can find a replacement soon. I want to go for the Biennale Race later. I've packed my things, you know. ):

It's already 1:16 in the morning and I'm not sleeping. I'm just worried that we can't find someone to replace Ayesha. Nazimah is my only hope and I'm waiting for her answer later. I hope that she can make it. I really hope so.

Secondly, I'm so upset about the relationship. We're having a week break. I'm sure I'm going to miss him so much. Maybe he's doing this for the better since everything is in a big mess right now. I guess I won't be expecting any messages from him since he wanted to be left alone. How I wish he's right beside me now, so that I can give him a big hug and tell him that I miss him so much. I know that will not happen. What if he doesn't love me anymore after a week of not contacting? What if he found someone else even better than me since I only know how to make things worse and make him feel so miserable? What if that really happens? Oh no, that can't be happening.

I always tried to cheer him up. I tried to make him smile too. But why everything doesn't seem to be working at all? What more does he want? I'm always by his side. I just don't know what else I can do for him. I always show my love towards him. I just don't know how to express my feelings.

I just don't know what I should do to make things go back to normal. I changed for the better what? I've been nice and I tried being nice. It's not even working. I guess, I'm the one who's at fault for creating this mess. Maybe because I asked too much. Yes, I did ask too much from him. I'm sorry. I just need your attention.

Sorry for not being there for you. Take care always. What matters most is that I love you so much. Good night.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday
(6 more days to go)

1:36AM